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‘Gratitude and Love’ Category

  1. Advice For a New Mom

    February 24, 2012 by leslee

    The other day an old friend of mine who is also a BRAND NEW mom posted something on Facebook about observing other mothers and wondering if she would ever be a good mommy with fun crafts and projects. Reading that reminded me of the way I felt when my girls were younger.

    I used to have that kind of motherhood guilt. I knew moms who regularly did crafts with their toddlers, one who tutored hers on numbers and letters, one who was her child’s favorite plaything, and others who had their little ones involved in all sorts of activities. Since I have a more hands off approach (meaning I lose my patience or get bored with crafts, tutoring, and playing), I was constantly feeling inferior to these supermoms that seemed to surround me. Almost daily I fought against that inner voice that nagged about all the stuff I should be doing.

    Through all of that what I was doing was keeping a balance between my needs as a person and my children’s needs from me as a mother. I spent time with my girls loving them in the ways that came easiest for me. And I also picked up hobbies of my own. I started writing, reading a lot, and creating art. At times I wondered if doing those things was selfish, but I was always reminded that the girls were watching me and learning from me how to not only nurture their loved ones but how to nurture themselves.

    Now that my girls are school aged, I am in a constant state of gratitude for our family experience. I love being here for them sooo much. I love taking care of them, fixing their meals, washing their clothes, waking them up in the mornings, and volunteering in their classrooms. I do those things without blinking because it is who I am and what I was meant to do. I’ve never done a craft with them and could do without building Lego houses with them, but I love being present as they do those things. I love helping with homework and reading bedtime stories. I love traveling and going to restaurants with my girls. I also love seeing them take care of one another and be the best friends that they are.

    I believe as parents our role is to allow our children to become who they are meant to. The most important thing is to love them and be present for them whenever possible. They may not remember that you baked cookies or did crafts with them, but they will remember that you loved them. So if you’re even thinking of putting on that coat of guilt…DON’T! Love your children the way only you can and they will know they have the best mommy in the world!

    Category Family Life, Gratitude and Love | Tags: | No Comments

  2. It All Comes Back to Now

    January 9, 2012 by leslee

    I started this blog post weeks ago. Well, technically I thought of the title weeks ago and couldn’t exactly get my thoughts together to write it. But more and more I am bombarded with this message. It seems my spiritual journey is a spiral that returns again and again to NOW.

    The only thing that matters is what is happening in this very moment. Staying present is the key to everything. Problem is the minute I say “everything” I start thinking about “everything.” I think about the things that could happen if I just surrendered to what is, which is just another way of thinking about the future. It is becoming ever clear to me. I am my own worst enemy.

    The other night I dreamed I was walking down a hallway and a huge snake popped out of a doorway and spit venom at me. The venom hit my legs and the next thing I knew I was becoming paralyzed. I searched for the symbolism on the web the next day. A friend directed me to a website that said when a snake spits venom at you in a dream it means there is a negative influence in your life, a poisonous relationship or negative words or rumors about you. Upon reading this I freaked out a little…who was this negative influence and what rumors were they spreading? I thought about it on and off and while I was doing dishes that night a thought came to me. It’s me! I’m the negative influence and those rumors are the stories my monkey mind makes up about the past and future.

    The truth is, it doesn’t matter what is going on outside. There could be a whole gang of people that can’t stand me, but that fact won’t hurt me unless I think (or obsess) about it. Suffering comes in response to thoughts-period.

    The solution is simple (and incredibly difficult). Stay present. Right now I’m sitting at my computer writing a blog post while my hubby is watching football and my kids are playing in their bedroom. I am wearing comfortable clothes, the temperature is just right, and I feel good. In this moment, right now, I am OK. There is nothing and no one against me…not even myself.

    There was a second part of that dream that I’ll mention now. See, just as I was about to suffocate from the venom I was yanked out of the dream and plopped into a new one. In the new dream I was at an ashram where a very spiritual woman lived. She came over to me (and some friends who were with me) and offered her intuitive guidance. She looked at me and asked me where I had gotten my wealth. I replied that she was mistaken, I’m not wealthy. She smiled knowingly back at me and I realized whatever she meant by wealth…I already have it.

    Right NOW I have everything I need and want. When I drop the stories about what was or should be (the venom), I realize just how perfect things are.

    Category Gratitude and Love, Spiritual | Tags: | 4 Comments

  3. And We’re Off…

    January 2, 2012 by leslee

    So the new year has begun. I usually write a post about resolutions. I make them, though admit I won’t hold myself accountable to keep them. The important part for me is having some sort of direction, a better “me” to aim for.

    This year is a little different though. I’ve made no resolutions and am trying to keep the urge to change at bay. In fact if there is anything I want it is to accept myself completely, as I am, with no “better future” in my mind. And all the signs are pointing me in that direction. Just today someone handed me a book called “There is Nothing Wrong With You.”

    All of my problems come from believing there is something I should have that I don’t. In reality, I have exactly what I need. And when I am mindful and in a state of gratitude, I realize I have exactly what I want too. Life will unfold as it should. New paths will appear when it’s time. This year is about awareness and trust, going with the whims of my intuition and savoring the moments along the way.

    Category Gratitude and Love, Spiritual | Tags: ,,,,,,, | 2 Comments

  4. A Bliss Called Love

    December 14, 2011 by leslee

    We’re very late to the party but we’re finally watching LOST. (We’ve got 6 episodes left, so don’t spoil the ending for me.) Last night we watched the episode where Charlie and Desmond find each other in the real world after flight 815 doesn’t crash. Charlie tells Desmond about his near-death experience and how a blonde woman came to him and he felt the purest love he’d ever felt. Before he was totally enveloped by it, he was resuscitated. Ever since that moment all he wanted was to get back to that feeling. In an attempt at finding that place again Charlie forces Desmond’s car off the road and into the water. They both nearly drown.

    On a much smaller scale I can relate to Charlie on this one. You see about 6 weeks ago I had a dream. It was the most amazing dream I’ve ever had. In the dream I ran into an old friend. He reached out his hand to me and I took it. In that moment, shaking his hand, I was overcome with love. It was the purest, deepest, strongest love that I have ever felt wash over me. It was total bliss. Nothing else happened in the dream. A handshake and eye contact that’s it, but the feeling made an impression. I have thought about the dream and the feeling of love everyday since. I’ve prayed almost every night before falling asleep to have the dream or one like it again.

    The week that I had the dream I journaled about it. I came to the conclusion that for whatever reason at that time I needed to be reminded of God’s love. I needed to experience it. My friend was just the disguise Spirit wore because the only thing we humans seem to understand is love for other humans-for friends, relatives, and romantic partners. The love I felt was much bigger than that. In a way, I’m beginning to wonder if it didn’t transform me somehow.

    I know for certain that after feeling what I felt in my “sleep” on that night so many weeks ago, I don’t think I can find satisfaction in anger or hatred again. The truth is that love I felt is not some fantasy, it’s real and it’s within me. It’s always there. That love is God. That love is reality. I don’t have to pray to feel it again, I just need to know I am it.

    Category Gratitude and Love, Spiritual | Tags: ,,,,,,,, | 3 Comments

  5. Freedom

    December 12, 2011 by leslee

    A couple of weeks ago, I spent Thanksgiving in NC with my family for the first time in about ten years. It was one of the best days I’ve had in recent years and I’ve had a lot of good days. I felt so much love that I was bubbling over. The time I spent with them was just perfect. In fact they (my family) were all perfect!

    A few years ago, on my old blog, I wrote a post about being the black sheep of my family. I pointed out all the ways I was different from my family and rambled about how they wished I would change. I’d believed that story for years.

    On one hand, the story helped me. Since I was the “outsider,” it was easier to follow my husband to Ohio when I was 23. I am certain that moving away was a huge part of my journey. But on the other hand, the story separated me from them. I allowed myself to notice those differences more than I should have. I didn’t always keep an open heart or open mind with them.

    So back to the present day and this Thanksgiving. I’m not really sure when this shift happened in me. It happened without me recognizing it, yet it happened. I realized that the story I carried doesn’t matter. In fact, it’s probably not even true. I don’t care if we agree on everything or nothing, I just love them. They are *my* people and they are freakin awesome!

    Right now I’m reading Byron Katie’s Loving What Is. She came up with a series of questions that you are to ask yourself when you are judging someone else. At the end she asks you to do the “turn around.” It is called The Work. As I read this book I realized I’d come to the same conclusions as I would have if I’d gone through the process. If I were to do the “turn around” with my old thoughts about my family it would look a little like this:

    Old Thought-My family doesn’t accept me as I am.
    turn around 1: My family does accept me as I am.
    turn around 2: I don’t accept my family as they are.
    turn around 3: I don’t accept myself as I am.

    Truth is that all of those turn arounds are probably truer than my original thought that my family didn’t accept me as I was. Our monkey minds tell us lies and use those lies to build walls between us and the people who love us most. Somehow on my own I was able to realize that maybe I was the one who wasn’t being accepting and loving and change it.

    The path I’m on is one of Love. It doesn’t mean I’m always loving, but that is my goal. I’m starting with the people closest to me. Letting go of the judgement (which was disguised as me thinking they were judging me) has left my heart full with love for them and my mind truly free.

    If you need a little freedom this holiday season, I’d recommend checking out Loving What Is.

    Category Family Life, Gratitude and Love | Tags: ,,,,,,,, | 2 Comments

  6. Passion VS Safety

    October 28, 2011 by leslee

    I’m working as an academic advisor these days so I see first hand when people are facing the choice between the path they are passionate about and the path they feel is safe. Sometimes the safe path is where their passion lies, but mostly not. They’ll come in and say “What kind of jobs can I get with this major?” Many of them double major which I suspect is to provide the possibilities of more job opportunities. One kid came in the other day and said he had signed up for the major but just wasn’t sure if it was right for him. I asked him what he was passionate about. He didn’t hesitate to share his passion. He knew exactly what he wanted to do and he’s in the right major to do it. He went on to say, in a deflated tone, that he hadn’t been able to find anyone to talk to about his plan and he was considering just switching over to business. When he said this my inner voice screamed NOOOOOOOOO! Business isn’t even close to what he wants to do (I won’t share that for anonymity) but he’s desperate for someone to safely assure him that he can reach his career goals. He wants to meet someone whose gone before him so there is proof it can be done.

    I can relate to him completely! When I went to college, I knew I wanted to write. I was good at writing. It brought me joy, made me feel complete, and was without a doubt my passion. I never put serious thought into making a living as a writer though. It wasn’t a safe choice. I ended up going with the safe choice and majoring in Elementary Education. For five years I was a teacher and one of the most freeing, joyful moments of my life was when I left teaching to stay home with my first daughter. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE kids! I savor my time volunteering at my daughters’ school and in my church. I’ve made it my mission to be one of those adults that all the kids love, but I don’t want to be “teacher” to any of them.

    Now I’m finally walking down the passion path and going for a career as a writer. I’ve gotten far enough along to know it is possible. My agent (gosh how I love the sound of that) will begin pitching my book to editors in the next few days. Last night I dreamed I stepped into an elevator and right as I did the power went off and it began to plunge. I was a little frightened but miraculously the elevator landed gently and I was unscathed. I interpreted the dream as a message about my career adventure. Following my passion isn’t going to be a breeze. When all is said and done I’ll probably have my fair share of grey hairs, but at least I will be at peace with myself-knowing I didn’t let fear or the desire for safety hold me back.

    What about you? Are you on the safe path or the passion path?

    Category Gratitude and Love, Journey to Publication, Writing | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,,,,, | 4 Comments

  7. Crazy in a Unity Way

    October 24, 2011 by leslee

    OK, first post…here goes nothing.

    In my bio I mention that I work with the middle-schoolers at my Unity church. Over the weekend I attended the Southeast Uniteen Retreat at Camp Weed in Live Oak, Florida. The retreat was attended by about 100 kids and 50 adult chaperones from the US southeast region. As a Uniteen leader, I’m partial to my kids. I think there is something unique and SPECIAL about them. It’s only when I’m at retreat that I realize it’s not just the 8 Uniteens at my church, that “something special” seems to exist within ALL Uniteens.

    I met a little girl over the weekend who on more than one occasion referred to herself as “crazy.” She followed the statement by saying “but that’s the great thing about Unity, we’re all a little crazy…crazy in a good way.” I realized that Unity is this girl’s safe haven. She can go to church and to retreats and be herself completely without worrying about rejection.

    This was my second retreat with the Uniteens and again I was truly moved by what I observed. There are all kinds of kids there. You have the beautiful, the smart, the extroverts and introverts, the weird, the ordinary, the quiet, and the loud. But the one thing they ALL have in common is acceptance. Every child connects with someone, no one is left out, and everyone lets their light shine.

    In trying to figure out how this piece of Heaven can exist, I come up with one reason. It goes back to what the girl said, Unity people are crazy in a good way. We never insist that our way is the right or better way. We acknowledge that every person has their own individual path and we honor them wherever they are. We look for the Christ light within everyone. We know that what we put out comes back to us, so we try to put out positive, loving thoughts and actions. We learn to forgive, not only others but ourselves. We have faith in our own highest potential and we see that highest potential in others. We respect what makes us different (even if other people might call it weird).

    Unity is not your average church. It doesn’t really fit into the religious box and it’s not always easy to explain to people. At it’s core is Christ. In a lot of ways, especially with these kids, Unity people don’t just ask what Jesus would do, they actually do it!

    Category Gratitude and Love, My Viewpoint, Spiritual | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, | 2 Comments