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‘Spiritual’ Category

  1. Just to be Seen

    April 21, 2012 by leslee

    I received a message this week that came in the form of a birthday greeting. It was from someone I dearly love. It expressed, in the most loving way possibly, an unwillingness to accept that I, Leslee, am on a different spiritual path from the message sender. My loved one is holding onto hope that some day I find my way back to the right and true path (AKA theirs).

    When I was done reading it I felt so angry and so hurt. The message that I found, wrapped up tightly in those words of “hope” and “love,” was this one: I don’t see you for who you are and I refuse to ever do so.

    I have spent a lot of time going within myself to find out what feels right and rings true for me. There is no religion that can sum it up. There is no established path that suits me perfectly. I am blazing my own trail and it feels wonderful. It brings me peace. It makes me happy. Sometimes it is love (human love, divine love, self love). Sometimes creativity. Still other times it is silence.

    But as more time passes I am certain that my path is not in a book…not even THE book. My path flows through me from whatever it is that is greater than me. I am the only one who can live my life. My only hope is that those who choose to know me and love me in this life will also choose to see me and respect me for exactly who I am. That is the greatest gift and purest love anyone could offer. Isn’t it what we all want anyway?

    JUST TO BE SEEN….

    Category My Viewpoint, Spiritual | Tags: | 6 Comments

  2. The (Protective) Mother of all Mothers

    April 13, 2012 by leslee

    When I first found my way to the right spiritual path for me, the first AHA I had was that The Devil I’d been raised to believe in didn’t exist. I realized that all the stuff the devil was accused of doing, was actually done by my big fat ego. So when I connected the dots I concluded Ego was The Devil. When I started reading Wayne Dyer’s books I found another definition of Ego. Edging God Out. So Ego was what was left when you took God out of the equation and what was left acted an awful lot like The Devil.

    I thought from that point the journey would be easy. Once I knew what ego was it should be simple to overcome. I did experience growth. Certain aspects of my ego fell away, often after rearing it’s ugly head in some dramatic fashion. And slowly but surely my ego became less devilish. It no longer had the qualities of a saboteur, but it hadn’t disappeared, nor had it been overcome.

    I’ve recently begun to see Ego as something different. I think about how us humans seem to be all about self-preservation. Everything we do can be tracked back to the need to feel safe, secure, and loved. The Ego is in the drivers’ seat of that self-preservation vehicle. When I think about protecting self, the image that comes to mind is that of a helicopter mom. Our ego is the mother of all OVERPROTECTIVE mothers and we’re the kids all grown up and still living under her roof.

    I have a friend who offers a service called “ego-busting.” During the session she throws out messages and has you “bust” them by connecting with your inner child and finding the truth of the situation. Most of the ego messages are the things that are supposed to keep you “safe” but more often then not they’re messages that keep you firmly planted right where you are. They keep you from following your heart and taking risks. They keep you trapped in the status quo. They keep you from making the changes that your soul is crying out for you to make.

    Ego will tell you to be careful when you start to climb the tree. Forget how exhilarating it might feel when you reach the top, the most important thing is NOT to fall. Ego reminds you not to leave the house looking like that, if you forget to wear that mask of yours the others might reject you. Rejection might be worse than falling out of a tree you know! Ego will keep you as close as it can for as long as it can, but all it really wants is for you to be safe. All it really is is the collection of opinions of all the mothers and fathers that came before.

    I think the really important thing to do is listen with an open heart to what my ego tells me and ask if what is says is really true or if it’s just being overprotective. It’s pretty easy to recognize the ego messages because the answer to “is it really true” is always no. Then you bust through the message by asking what your inner child or higher self think. The inner child and higher self both reside within your heart. They know your soul’s desires and path. They’ll tell you the truth and that truth will be comforting.

    I have reached a place where the ego is something I can have respect for. I understand that it keeps me human and ties me emapthetically to the people in my life. I’m not in a hurry to escape it anymore, but I do want to move out of its house. Just like an overprotective mom, I’m ok with the occasional visit but I don’t want it running my life.

    Category Spiritual | Tags: | No Comments

  3. Breakthrough

    March 26, 2012 by leslee

    I hesitate to write about this because I might jinx it, but on the other hand I’m so excited I can’t keep quiet.

    I’ve had a breakthrough and I’m actually writing book 2 in my trilogy again. I’ve gone all in this time and I won’t cash out until I’ve birthed a book!

    Back in October I signed with my agent and decided I needed to work on book 2. My motivations were simple. If she was shopping book 1 in the series, it might help if she could tell them book 2 was in the works. I’d heard those stories of authors finishing their books, signing with an agent and landing a book deal all seemingly over night. Surely it would happen that way for me. I needed to hurry up and write. Of course you hear those stories because they are exciting, there’s nothing interesting about long periods of waiting.

    I signed up for NanoWrimo and started writing the book on November 1. I didn’t plan to actually finish in a month but figured I’d come close. But the motivating factor-writing to please my hoped for editor-led me directly down the path to writer’s block Hell. Somewhere at about page 15, the system shut down completely.

    For four months, I’ve doubted my ability to get this book out. I’ve questioned my desire to write, though the desire has never waned. I’ve compared writing to torture. I’ve wondered if I’d ever feel the magic again. The torturous nature of it was overshadowing the pure joy that comes when words you didn’t know were in you spill out on the page.

    During this time, I’ve asked for guidance A LOT. Over and over the same message came up: create for the sake of creating. I needed to stop worrying about the finished product, the possible book deals, whether or not people would like my story, or whether I’d ever arrive at the doorstep of my dream career: AUTHOR. None of that matters in the scheme of things. You write because you have to get the story in your head out. You write because inspiration is a gift from Source and to turn your back on it is blasphemous. You write because when you break through that block, that cinder block wall, you become a vessel through which magic flows. And when you get to that space it feels so good and is worth far more than the book deals and critical acclaim you long for in the dark hours.

    For the past few nights I’ve felt the joy again. I’ve been awed as the story flows out of me. I’m taking the inner and outer advice I’ve been given and opening myself up to be a creative channel. I’m thwarting my ego’s attempt at distracting me. I will write everyday until the inspiration tells me we’re done.

    Category Spiritual, Writing | Tags: | No Comments

  4. You’re Not Special

    January 30, 2012 by leslee

    I first came across this idea a few weeks ago on Benjamin Smythe’s youtube page. He was answering someone’s question about how they can feel better when they look in the mirror. Basically he said that thinking we are ugly is just another way to feel special. There is negative “special” just as much as there is positive “special.”

    I was at a church meeting on Friday night and we went over our vision statement. There was one particular line that just smacked me in the face. I can’t remember the exact wording but it basically said “from the Christ within, we acknowledge the uniqueness and unity of all people.” In Unity the “Christ within” refers to our spiritual nature or divinity within. I felt this statement was contradictory. The way I see it, our ego acknowledges our uniqueness but the Christ within does not.

    Uniqueness, which I’ll call “specialness”, separates us. If I put you on a pedestal, whether it’s to mock you or to celebrate you, I am setting you a part from myself. I can’t connect with you if all I can see is how you are different from me. It is a game the ego plays.

    At a workshop yesterday, the leader (Jon Mundy PhD) told the prodigal son story. In that story the father let the son go out on his own and welcomed him back without ever making a remark about who he was or what he had done. When the son wanted to leave, the father never said “Oh you think you’re special? Better than us?” and when the son returned he didn’t say “see I knew you’d be back.” No he simply let him go and when the son returned all he said was “welcome home.”

    The Christ within sees that we are the same. It sees that what we do to another we do to ourselves. It understands that there is something that connects us all. It is most alive and present in unity, not in focusing on uniqueness.

    What I am realizing is the more I focus on my “specialness” the more it hinders my growth. One example is my writing. When I think of my writing ability as a talent that I am supposed to do something special with, I get lost in that idea and I’m no longer able to write. I worry about whether what I’m doing is good enough and if people will like it. I completely disconnect from the source of my inspiration in the first place and end up bogged down and blocked. If I take away the concept of talent or specialness, all I have left is words in my head that I transfer to a page. It’s not special, it’s just what I do and what I will continue to do as long as I am detached enough to just be the channel through which it comes.

    There are countless ways, both negative and positive, in which we can be special. We are special because of our race, gender, sexual preference, religion, IQ, socioeconomic status, size, age, political party, education level, health and on and on and on. But the thing is every label we give ourselves is also a label that thousands of other people use too. We really aren’t all that special after all. And when we drop that story, that’s when we can see through the eyes of the Christ within and those eyes never knew the story to begin with.

    Category My Viewpoint, Spiritual | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,, | No Comments

  5. Confession: I Don’t Like Yoga

    January 27, 2012 by leslee

    I have to thank my friend, Esther, for this post because without realizing it she made me say this out loud, thus finally accepting it myself. I DON’T LIKE YOGA!

    I’ve been doing Yoga and claiming to like it on and off for about 11 years. When I was 25 I became obsessed with working out. I’d hit the gym 6 days a week for 2 hours or more. On my “day off” I’d do a Power Yoga video in my living room. It took major willpower to do that video even once a week. In those days I used Yoga to improve my strength and fitness, I had no idea there was anything spiritual about it. Even the script the instructors used went over my head. In the beginning it was all about the BODY.

    A couple of years later, I came across a book called Yoga for Wellness. My knees had been giving me trouble from all the running I’d done during the body obsession phase and I decided to use Yoga to heal them. I didn’t really do the routines long enough to get the benefits as I just couldn’t stick with it. But still I claimed to like Yoga.

    When I got pregnant, I bought a prenatal Yoga video and did it for the first couple of months. I thought it would help me have a natural delivery. It might have if I’d kept at it, but I didn’t.

    Eventually I embarked on this “spiritual journey” and realized that Yoga is a tool for reaching enlightenment. After learning that OF COURSE I continued to like Yoga. I mean who doesn’t want some enlightenment? I started taking classes at the Y and they weren’t half bad. As long as I didn’t have to touch my toes (because it seems I’m the only human being who CAN’T for the life of her touch her toes), I almost enjoyed it. Eventually I started attending a once a year retreat at Amrit Yoga Institute. During the retreat we do morning Yoga for three mornings. It was there I began to realize, Yoga is kind of like torture. I mean seriously, I can’t even touch my toes, how am I supposed to do all that other stuff? At the first retreat my friend said “I was really wishing we’d do more Yoga.” Thinking back, I might have actually nodded in agreement.

    It’s been 4 years since my first retreat at Amrit. I’ve still been claiming to like Yoga. I bought a 10 session pass at a Yoga studio in town. I’ve used 4 passes. I stare at the clock through the entire class. I jet to the door when it is over. I can’t get out of there fast enough, yet if you read my FB information page it might say that Yoga is one of my hobbies. Heck, I might have listed Yoga as one of the things I like to do in my Bio on THIS website.

    But the other night I was with my friend Esther and she said “I hate Yoga!” And just like that it poured out of me “Oh my gosh, I hate Yoga too!”

    It is boring. It is painful. I’m terrible at it. And…in all the time I’ve spent doing Yoga, I am not one speck closer to enlightenment because of it.

    Somehow I’ve let myself believe for years now that healthy, spiritual people do Yoga and dammit I want to be a healthy, spiritual person. So I’ve lied to myself about how I feel about Yoga and I’ve beat myself up for not doing it more, for not having a regular Yoga practice. The truth is doing Yoga is no different than going to a Baptist church, it works really well for a lot of people but it just doesn’t do it for me!

    It feels really great to let go of this idea that I’m supposed to like and do Yoga. It’s making room for me focus on the things I actually do love that can feed my body and soul. Now I just have to figure out what to do with those 6 passes I have left.

    Category My Viewpoint, Spiritual | Tags: ,,,,,,, | 3 Comments

  6. It All Comes Back to Now

    January 9, 2012 by leslee

    I started this blog post weeks ago. Well, technically I thought of the title weeks ago and couldn’t exactly get my thoughts together to write it. But more and more I am bombarded with this message. It seems my spiritual journey is a spiral that returns again and again to NOW.

    The only thing that matters is what is happening in this very moment. Staying present is the key to everything. Problem is the minute I say “everything” I start thinking about “everything.” I think about the things that could happen if I just surrendered to what is, which is just another way of thinking about the future. It is becoming ever clear to me. I am my own worst enemy.

    The other night I dreamed I was walking down a hallway and a huge snake popped out of a doorway and spit venom at me. The venom hit my legs and the next thing I knew I was becoming paralyzed. I searched for the symbolism on the web the next day. A friend directed me to a website that said when a snake spits venom at you in a dream it means there is a negative influence in your life, a poisonous relationship or negative words or rumors about you. Upon reading this I freaked out a little…who was this negative influence and what rumors were they spreading? I thought about it on and off and while I was doing dishes that night a thought came to me. It’s me! I’m the negative influence and those rumors are the stories my monkey mind makes up about the past and future.

    The truth is, it doesn’t matter what is going on outside. There could be a whole gang of people that can’t stand me, but that fact won’t hurt me unless I think (or obsess) about it. Suffering comes in response to thoughts-period.

    The solution is simple (and incredibly difficult). Stay present. Right now I’m sitting at my computer writing a blog post while my hubby is watching football and my kids are playing in their bedroom. I am wearing comfortable clothes, the temperature is just right, and I feel good. In this moment, right now, I am OK. There is nothing and no one against me…not even myself.

    There was a second part of that dream that I’ll mention now. See, just as I was about to suffocate from the venom I was yanked out of the dream and plopped into a new one. In the new dream I was at an ashram where a very spiritual woman lived. She came over to me (and some friends who were with me) and offered her intuitive guidance. She looked at me and asked me where I had gotten my wealth. I replied that she was mistaken, I’m not wealthy. She smiled knowingly back at me and I realized whatever she meant by wealth…I already have it.

    Right NOW I have everything I need and want. When I drop the stories about what was or should be (the venom), I realize just how perfect things are.

    Category Gratitude and Love, Spiritual | Tags: | 4 Comments

  7. And We’re Off…

    January 2, 2012 by leslee

    So the new year has begun. I usually write a post about resolutions. I make them, though admit I won’t hold myself accountable to keep them. The important part for me is having some sort of direction, a better “me” to aim for.

    This year is a little different though. I’ve made no resolutions and am trying to keep the urge to change at bay. In fact if there is anything I want it is to accept myself completely, as I am, with no “better future” in my mind. And all the signs are pointing me in that direction. Just today someone handed me a book called “There is Nothing Wrong With You.”

    All of my problems come from believing there is something I should have that I don’t. In reality, I have exactly what I need. And when I am mindful and in a state of gratitude, I realize I have exactly what I want too. Life will unfold as it should. New paths will appear when it’s time. This year is about awareness and trust, going with the whims of my intuition and savoring the moments along the way.

    Category Gratitude and Love, Spiritual | Tags: ,,,,,,, | 2 Comments

  8. Suggestions For Bringing in the New Year

    December 22, 2011 by leslee

    I wanted to take a few minutes to share four of my favorite exercises for the New Year. I’ve done at least a few of them for the past three years.

    Burning Bowl-The first Sunday of the New Year at my church we do a burning bowl ceremony. If you are very careful (unlike Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica in the old Friends episode where they were burning pics of old boyfriends) you could do this on your own. Our minister uses a large, deep pot/bowl and puts a candle (I believe) at the bottom. Each congregant is given a piece of onion skin paper. We all write down the stuff we’d like to release and put it into the fire.

    White Stone-The second Sunday of the New Year we do the white stone ceremony. This again is something you could do on your own and with or without a white stone. We are each given a special white stone and participate in a guided meditation. During the meditation we are guided to let Spirit give us our word for the year. After we have “heard” our word we write it on the white stone and keep it close throughout the year. I have found in the past that my ego tries to insert itself and pick a word, but Spirit manages to come through with something different. Last year I was certain that my word should be LOVE, but when I went into meditation I received the word VICTORY. I’d say that the success of my novel thus far (finishing it and signing with an agent) has proved Spirit was onto something.

    Letter to God (Universe, Spirit, Higher Self whatever you associate with)-Again at church on the first Sunday in January we are given a piece of paper and an envelope. As we prepare for service we are instructed to write a letter to God in present tense that incorporates our goals for the year. The letter is then mailed to us 11 months later. I received last year’s letter this week and was amazed at how the requests I had made have come to pass. (Keep in mind that these request are best made only if they are in the highest good of everyone involved.)

    Vision Board-Finally I have made a vision board for the last three years on New Year’s Day. During this process I let my intuition lead and instead of seeking images that my ego desires, I pull pictures (from magazines) that I am drawn to without explanation. I find an amazing amount of inspiration from my vision boards each year. I keep it hanging on the wall all year and look at it daily. Sometimes the pictures actually come to life. This year’s board has a picture of a woman in an office with a window. When I put it on the board I thought perhaps it was a metaphor for something, but five months later I was hired as an academic advisor and given an office with a window. Other pictures end up being metaphors-like the image of the woman sailing a large sailboat. You can create your board with friends or family and it becomes a wonderful way to fellowship with loved ones and connect with Spirit!

    So if you are looking for a new tradition to start 2012, I would recommend any of these. A lot of Unity churches do the Burning Bowl and White Stone Ceremonies. You can look at Unity.org, find a church near you, and check their website to see if they are holding those services. If you can’t find one, create your own!

    This will be my last post for 2011. I will see you on the flip side!!

    Category Spiritual | Tags: ,,,,,,,, | 1 Comment

  9. A Bliss Called Love

    December 14, 2011 by leslee

    We’re very late to the party but we’re finally watching LOST. (We’ve got 6 episodes left, so don’t spoil the ending for me.) Last night we watched the episode where Charlie and Desmond find each other in the real world after flight 815 doesn’t crash. Charlie tells Desmond about his near-death experience and how a blonde woman came to him and he felt the purest love he’d ever felt. Before he was totally enveloped by it, he was resuscitated. Ever since that moment all he wanted was to get back to that feeling. In an attempt at finding that place again Charlie forces Desmond’s car off the road and into the water. They both nearly drown.

    On a much smaller scale I can relate to Charlie on this one. You see about 6 weeks ago I had a dream. It was the most amazing dream I’ve ever had. In the dream I ran into an old friend. He reached out his hand to me and I took it. In that moment, shaking his hand, I was overcome with love. It was the purest, deepest, strongest love that I have ever felt wash over me. It was total bliss. Nothing else happened in the dream. A handshake and eye contact that’s it, but the feeling made an impression. I have thought about the dream and the feeling of love everyday since. I’ve prayed almost every night before falling asleep to have the dream or one like it again.

    The week that I had the dream I journaled about it. I came to the conclusion that for whatever reason at that time I needed to be reminded of God’s love. I needed to experience it. My friend was just the disguise Spirit wore because the only thing we humans seem to understand is love for other humans-for friends, relatives, and romantic partners. The love I felt was much bigger than that. In a way, I’m beginning to wonder if it didn’t transform me somehow.

    I know for certain that after feeling what I felt in my “sleep” on that night so many weeks ago, I don’t think I can find satisfaction in anger or hatred again. The truth is that love I felt is not some fantasy, it’s real and it’s within me. It’s always there. That love is God. That love is reality. I don’t have to pray to feel it again, I just need to know I am it.

    Category Gratitude and Love, Spiritual | Tags: ,,,,,,,, | 3 Comments

  10. Bring Your Umbrella

    December 5, 2011 by leslee

    Thoughts are things
    You reap what you sow
    What you put out into the world comes back to you
    Ask and ye shall receive

    These are all sayings that basically define the Law of Attraction. I learned about this four years ago and have analyzed it ever since. At times I’ve been an adamant believer, at other times a total skeptic. I can see how I’ve created my life with my thoughts and beliefs. I am living the life I desired and believed in most as a child. But the skepticism comes in when I see “bad” stuff, whether in my own life or someone else’s. How would someone bring terrible things into their lives? Doesn’t the Law of Attraction in essence blame the victim?

    Lately I’ve revisited the Law in reading and the thing is the bad stuff comes through our unconscious attracting. Most of us, despite the sayings, have never truly put two and two together. When we immerse ourselves in fearful thoughts, we’re going to see more scary things. When we believe that people are mean, greedy, stupid etc, we are going to see those traits in the people that cross our paths. Then of course the more we see it the more we believe we are on to something.

    So the reality is our thoughts create our experiences and our experiences create our beliefs and our beliefs become life as we know it. If Sally wants more girlfriends but has had experiences that led her to believe women are backstabbers than any friends she makes will eventually treat her the way she expects. If she wants a raise at work but has long ago accepted that women only earn 65% of what men do than she will never make as much money as the guys in her office. Finally if Sally wants to lose 20 pounds but is convinced that she’s got heredity and age working against her, she will work her ass off but never lose that weight or if she does she’ll quickly gain it back. Sally doesn’t do any of this on purpose, but she holds these beliefs so strongly that her desires can’t compete. If Sally really wants to change she’s got to address her beliefs.

    I’m in a pickle myself right now when it comes to what I’m attracting. There’s a tug of war going on in my head and I’m trying to use my power to pull to the right side. It seems pretty common these days that when I tell people that I have a literary agent shopping my Young Adult novel I get one of two responses. The first response is: You’re gonna be the next J.K. Rowling! The second response is: The publishing industry is in serious trouble right now, it’s impossible to get a book deal and if you do don’t expect much. I have a lot of really awesome cheerleaders in my life, so luckily I get the first one more than the second, but still that second one is pretty damn powerful. So I’m spending my time trying to expect the best. There was a day a few years ago when I was working on my first novel and I walked into Border’s. I stopped in front of the end display of Twilight novels and thought that is going to be me someday. That moment happened before I talked to anyone else about my writing. It was before I met any other authors and watched their struggles. It was before I knew the publishing world was changing. It was before I let the outside affect the inside. It was a moment of pure desire and pure faith and I’m trying to remember it so I can harness that feeling and that power.

    I recently read a book that had a little story about having faith like a child. It went like this. A large group of people gathered to pray for rain but only one little girl brought an umbrella. When the rain started, she and the minister stayed dry under the umbrella. It was her belief that was strong enough to bring the rain for the whole group. I’m not really sure this story is true, but it definitely illustrates the point. If you want something, you’ve got to expect it, believe it’s already yours.

    So…

    When you’re praying for rain, bring your umbrella!

    Category My Viewpoint, Spiritual, Writing | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,,,,, | 1 Comment

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