I’m so angry at Time Magazine because they have sensationalized something that is very benign and simple. They’ve highlighted extreme cases of extended breast-feeding and now have everyone up in arms and horrified by women who would put their children through this.

I haven’t read the article yet, just seen the pics and read the comments. People are saying some terrible stuff. It makes me want to cry because it’s not like they think at all. There is nothing selfish or weird about extended breastfeeding.

I, like so many other women, never planned to nurse my babies past the age of one, it just kind of happened. My oldest daughter’s first birthday approached and she was showing NO indications of wanting to give up nursing, so I did my research. I read books, articles, talked to the pediatrician, and to other moms. Ultimately I decided we’d keep nursing until she weaned herself or turned 3, whichever happened first. My oldest daughter’s love language is physical touch, she loves to cuddle and be close, she was also a paci baby. Nursing was the way she relaxed and soothed herself. Breastfeeding to her was like meditation, watching TV, or drinking coffee to me. It made those early years easier for all of us. She ended up weaning at 2 years and 8 mos, 4 months before turning 3. She is 8 now and incredibly emotionally independent-but still a big cuddle bunny- and she has no real memories of breastfeeding. My youngest daughter was a bit different. She was less attached and really just liked to eat a lot as a baby. She wasn’t ready to wean at 1 either so we kept going for only 6 more months. She was weaned at 18 months. At that point I will say that I felt so incredibly FREE! I had loaned my body to my children for over three years and at that point I had it back. I cherished those nursing years, but it was never something I did solely for myself, it was always a choice made from KNOWING it was best for MY child.

So on the topic of extended nursing. Please don’t call it weird. It’s not weird and when you say that you demean the loving choices women are making for their children. Please don’t call it selfish. A mother is literally giving up part of her body to offer something healthy and good to her child. Please, please, please, don’t dare insinuate the act is at all sexual. I personally felt zero sexual sensation in my breasts for over 3 years, that switch cut off completely the day my first daughter was born until I weaned my second daughter. And finally please don’t say a mother is going to ruin her child. You haven’t walked in her shoes, you don’t know the needs of HER child, so you can’t possibly know how said child will turn out in the end.

In my opinion most women almost by accident find themselves still nursing their two-year-olds. I’d say very few planned it that way. We all just do the best we can with what we have and try to meet our children’s needs the way we see fit. I just really wish Time Magazine could have chosen a picture of what extended nursing really looks like, so that instead of seeing it as something odd people could see it for what it is-just another act of love.

After the show was over I thought, oh my gosh I might be a Republican.

And then the week goes on and various issues are brought to my attention.

First I read an article about a new abortion law in Kansas. It bans abortion after 20 weeks (which frankly, I agree with) but it does a lot of other stuff, including making it very hard to get services at all and allowing your doctor to withhold medical information from you if they think it might cause you to consider abortion. For me personally, I am pro-life, but I strongly believe that I can not dictate what another person does. Unless I am willing to help a woman care for an unwanted child, I can’t ask her to have that baby. So seeing as I have my hands full with my own two kids, I am politically pro-choice. And at the end of the day people who don’t want to have their babies will find a way not to have them…even if it means in back alleys. I’d much rather the option be there so women can be safe.

And now we have the news that the amendment to ban gay marriage in the NC constitution has passed. This one makes me furious to my core. It does a whole lot more than ban gay marriage, but the gay marriage ban is enough to make me sick. Most children grow up with a vision of their happily-ever-after future. It usually involves a family-husband or wife, and kids. All over the country lawmakers and politicians are literally creating laws to keep part of the population from enjoying this huge chunk of the American dream. It is 2012, we should be so far beyond this. America is supposed to be the home of the free and the brave, but instead a bunch of cowards are voting to rip away and limit the freedoms of their fellow citizens (including family members and friends that they supposedly love).

So this week has reminded me, as fiscally conservative as I may be leaning these days, I will NEVER be Republican. It is not OK to infringe on personal rights and this seems to be a priority for that party right now. Women and gay people are not sub-human. They deserve to make decision about their bodies, their families, and their happily-ever-afters without the input of religious zealots.

This week I read How I Used Truth by H. Emilie Cady. Her teachings are very similar to those of Joel S. Goldsmith (one of my favorites for a few years now). Both of these healers and teachers suggest that the only thing truly real is God (or source energy as I like to think of it). And that God/Source energy is love and good. They say that all of the sickness, lack, and strife is unreal. It’s hypnosis. They teach that abiding in source energy is the cure for all that ails you.

This has been a hard one for me to grasp because when you look around sickness, lack, and strife seems pretty darn real. How can you tell someone the pain they are experiencing doesn’t actually exist? It seems cruel.

Somehow though, I think this time around, through Ms. Cady’s writings I finally get it. I took what I read and put it my own easy to understand vocabulary. Basically I’ve decided that God-Source is “better.” And “better” is what is real. No matter how bad things get or seem to be, they will always get “better.” Depending on where you are on your spiritual path and how plugged in and aware you are, the “better” may be short-lived, but it is always there. And even in situations like say cancer where a person ends up dying, for that person who was in great pain, death was their release, their “better.” And for all the grieving people they leave behind, the pain will eventually lessen and there will be plenty of “better” for them to experience as well.

The next time you are stuck in pain or in fear, just know that “better” is right there for the taking. By just pausing for a moment and taking a deep breath, you experience the “better.” If you look into the eyes of another human being and truly take a moment to see them, you will experience something “better.” By stepping outside and listening to the birds singing you will hear the “better.” We can always feel “better” at any moment we choose.

Eat food, not too much, mostly plants.

Baroody gives his advice in a more complicated fashion.

Your body needs to be more alkaline than acidic. The ideal ph level is between 6-7. He gives a chart that shows the ph levels of most foods and throughout the day you want to eat most of your foods from the alkalizing side of the chart. Optimally you want to have a 80/20 ratio of alkaline verses acidic foods. He also lists lots of substances (and I call them substances only because I’d never heard of any of them) that you can use to supplement and create a more alkalizing environment. He also recommends colonics about twice a year (no thank you). Oh and he says that you should chew every bite of food 25-50 times as some foods go from acidic to alkalizing just by being over-chewed. In between all of the advice he also simply scares the shit out of you (my coffee habit will certainly be the death of me).

But after I finished reading Alkalize or Die and stopped obsessing about mine and my family’s demise via acidic foods, I realized that he said basically the same thing as Michael Pollan. When I looked over the list of alkalizing foods they were all real food (no processed food like stuff) and were mostly plants. And of course, as I learned, if you take his advice and thoroughly chew your food it’s almost impossible to overeat. So really if you eat real food, not too much, and mostly plants you will also probably create a more alkaline environment in your body.

I will say though that I learned a lot from the Alkalize or Die book. It has great information wrapped up in a doom and gloom package. I’ve come to understand that most (or even all) of our diseases and ailments are caused by what we eat. We’re eating insane amounts of food that is not real food and food that is also extremely acidic. I first sought out this information because I wanted to get healthier and thinner, but lately I’ve explored it further because I have joint pain (my knees and hips). I am 37 years old, not 77. I plan to be active until I die peacefully in my sleep at the age of 102, so I’ve got to take care of this vessel I’m in.

I’ve watched people in my life get diabetes and still NOT change their eating habits (or change them temporarily only to return) and I found it crazy. I mean if all it took to heal was eating differently, how could you not do it? But now I get it. I know I could feel better if I could just commit to giving up coffee, sugar, and other food like substances, but that feels the same as if someone told me to run a marathon tomorrow. So I’m going to take baby steps and start training for my marathon. I really hope that I’ll be able to say I finished it, kicked my acidic substance use and reached an entirely pain-free state, but I’m just going to focus on the process instead of the product.

And for those reading this. If you are experiencing pain in your body, it is quite possible it is caused by an acidic environment due to diet. If you are at your wits end, I’d definitely suggest exploring food (real food, mostly plants) as medicine.

Grounding 2-26-10

The earth beneath me

living

breathing

thriving

reaching for me

asking me

to lie upon it

put down roots there

plant myself

so I may grow

as an extension of

this earth

the energy

and life force

which sustains all

that is nature

also sustains me

in the roots

I feel the energy

it holds me

protects me

and from that place

I may extend my being

to Heaven and back

and all the places

my soul dares to go

When I was done reading it I felt so angry and so hurt. The message that I found, wrapped up tightly in those words of “hope” and “love,” was this one: I don’t see you for who you are and I refuse to ever do so.

I have spent a lot of time going within myself to find out what feels right and rings true for me. There is no religion that can sum it up. There is no established path that suits me perfectly. I am blazing my own trail and it feels wonderful. It brings me peace. It makes me happy. Sometimes it is love (human love, divine love, self love). Sometimes creativity. Still other times it is silence.

But as more time passes I am certain that my path is not in a book…not even THE book. My path flows through me from whatever it is that is greater than me. I am the only one who can live my life. My only hope is that those who choose to know me and love me in this life will also choose to see me and respect me for exactly who I am. That is the greatest gift and purest love anyone could offer. Isn’t it what we all want anyway?

JUST TO BE SEEN….

I thought from that point the journey would be easy. Once I knew what ego was it should be simple to overcome. I did experience growth. Certain aspects of my ego fell away, often after rearing it’s ugly head in some dramatic fashion. And slowly but surely my ego became less devilish. It no longer had the qualities of a saboteur, but it hadn’t disappeared, nor had it been overcome.

I’ve recently begun to see Ego as something different. I think about how us humans seem to be all about self-preservation. Everything we do can be tracked back to the need to feel safe, secure, and loved. The Ego is in the drivers’ seat of that self-preservation vehicle. When I think about protecting self, the image that comes to mind is that of a helicopter mom. Our ego is the mother of all OVERPROTECTIVE mothers and we’re the kids all grown up and still living under her roof.

I have a friend who offers a service called “ego-busting.” During the session she throws out messages and has you “bust” them by connecting with your inner child and finding the truth of the situation. Most of the ego messages are the things that are supposed to keep you “safe” but more often then not they’re messages that keep you firmly planted right where you are. They keep you from following your heart and taking risks. They keep you trapped in the status quo. They keep you from making the changes that your soul is crying out for you to make.

Ego will tell you to be careful when you start to climb the tree. Forget how exhilarating it might feel when you reach the top, the most important thing is NOT to fall. Ego reminds you not to leave the house looking like that, if you forget to wear that mask of yours the others might reject you. Rejection might be worse than falling out of a tree you know! Ego will keep you as close as it can for as long as it can, but all it really wants is for you to be safe. All it really is is the collection of opinions of all the mothers and fathers that came before.

I think the really important thing to do is listen with an open heart to what my ego tells me and ask if what is says is really true or if it’s just being overprotective. It’s pretty easy to recognize the ego messages because the answer to “is it really true” is always no. Then you bust through the message by asking what your inner child or higher self think. The inner child and higher self both reside within your heart. They know your soul’s desires and path. They’ll tell you the truth and that truth will be comforting.

I have reached a place where the ego is something I can have respect for. I understand that it keeps me human and ties me emapthetically to the people in my life. I’m not in a hurry to escape it anymore, but I do want to move out of its house. Just like an overprotective mom, I’m ok with the occasional visit but I don’t want it running my life.

Preparing for this week’s “talk” got me thinking about the talk I gave at church almost two years ago. I’ll share it here if you care to watch! (Click on the numbers below and it will take you to my vimeo page.)

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In other writing news, I learned last week that I won a local writing contest I entered. My winning article is published in the Tallahassee edition of Natural Awakenings magazine. You can read it here by clicking on the “current issue” and finding page 28. I was pretty surprised and excited to learn I won!

Another recent development in my life is my venture into the art world. When I think back to the things I loved to do as a child creating art and writing were way up there. I can still clearly remember how good it felt when my mother gave me an art kit for Valentine’s Day when I was about ten. Somewhere a long the way, probably in jr. high school comparing myself to the top students in my art class- Brad Pressley and Christina Hicks, I decided I wasn’t good enough and shouldn’t bother. I stopped pursuing art. But in the past few years I’ve been dipping my toes into the artistic waters. I started collaging first in vision board workshops but then started creating collage cards as gifts for friends. I did that for a few months and then stopped for over a year. Recently I picked the hobby back up and after an ego-busting session where I received the message that I should be creating art, I started painting. Once I realized I could paint, I decided to combine the two, collage and paint. I’ve created about 15 pieces in the last month. I also took a leap of faith and contacted a guy here in town who runs a gallery. This week I took him 6 of my pieces, some of which will be displayed in his gallery tomorrow night during Tallahassee’s First Friday event. It will be interesting to see the response to my work.

Tomorrow I’m meeting with my awesome web-host and she’s going to help me get a paypal button on this website so I can make my art available for sale! I want to offer the stuff I’ve already created but I also want to provide my intuitive art services too. One of my favorite things to create is personalized pieces for people. I’ve done this a lot for friends. I think of the person and pick collage images for them intuitively. Recently I did a couple of mixed media pieces for friends and I chose the colors intuitively as well. I sent one piece off to a friend and days later she posted a picture of the vision board she’d created for herself. The color that dominated her board was the color that had dominated the picture I’d made her. It verified for me that I’d been guided to the right palate for her! This is something I feel like I could do for anyone, not just people I know personally, and I hope it might be something people are interested in. So look for that addition here next week (hopefully)! And if you’re in Tallahassee, I hope to see you at First Friday tomorrow night!

I’ll leave you with a picture of the art I created for my friend!

I’ve had a breakthrough and I’m actually writing book 2 in my trilogy again. I’ve gone all in this time and I won’t cash out until I’ve birthed a book!

Back in October I signed with my agent and decided I needed to work on book 2. My motivations were simple. If she was shopping book 1 in the series, it might help if she could tell them book 2 was in the works. I’d heard those stories of authors finishing their books, signing with an agent and landing a book deal all seemingly over night. Surely it would happen that way for me. I needed to hurry up and write. Of course you hear those stories because they are exciting, there’s nothing interesting about long periods of waiting.

I signed up for NanoWrimo and started writing the book on November 1. I didn’t plan to actually finish in a month but figured I’d come close. But the motivating factor-writing to please my hoped for editor-led me directly down the path to writer’s block Hell. Somewhere at about page 15, the system shut down completely.

For four months, I’ve doubted my ability to get this book out. I’ve questioned my desire to write, though the desire has never waned. I’ve compared writing to torture. I’ve wondered if I’d ever feel the magic again. The torturous nature of it was overshadowing the pure joy that comes when words you didn’t know were in you spill out on the page.

During this time, I’ve asked for guidance A LOT. Over and over the same message came up: create for the sake of creating. I needed to stop worrying about the finished product, the possible book deals, whether or not people would like my story, or whether I’d ever arrive at the doorstep of my dream career: AUTHOR. None of that matters in the scheme of things. You write because you have to get the story in your head out. You write because inspiration is a gift from Source and to turn your back on it is blasphemous. You write because when you break through that block, that cinder block wall, you become a vessel through which magic flows. And when you get to that space it feels so good and is worth far more than the book deals and critical acclaim you long for in the dark hours.

For the past few nights I’ve felt the joy again. I’ve been awed as the story flows out of me. I’m taking the inner and outer advice I’ve been given and opening myself up to be a creative channel. I’m thwarting my ego’s attempt at distracting me. I will write everyday until the inspiration tells me we’re done.